My forever valentine….

I love you so much Mommy.

From my family to yours…

Proud Bulakenyo!!!!

Today marks the 436th founding anniversary of the province of Bulacan, the birth-province of my parents and the place where our Casa De Familia Joaquin stands.

Although I wasn’t born there and I didn’t grew up in there either, the Bulakenyo blood runs through my veins and I’m proud of that.

According to the provincial government’s website, the province is now called, “The Gateway to the Northern Philippines” because of its strategic location, abundant natural resources, well-developed infrastructure, reasonable cost for doing business and effective government and private sector partnership for investment. It has a total land area of 1,079.58 square meters, comprising of 21 municipalities and 3 component cities. It is a first class province and one of the most progressive ones in the Philippines.

I was proud to have visited various historical places in the province like the Barasoain Church in the City of Malolos, which is the site of the Constitutional Convention of the first Philippine Republic, the Kakarong De Sili Shrine in Pandi, the place where more than 3,000 Filipino fighters died during the revolution, Casa Real Shrine, a beautiful museum at the City of Malolos and the Biak na Bato National Park in San Miguel.

I’ve tasted great delicacies and foodies from the province like the Minasa or cassava cookies, delicious carabao milk candies called pastillas, and the custard-filled bread called inipit. I had the chance to swim in Bulacan’s finest resorts like the Amana Water Park, Dream Wave Resort and Grotto Vista Resort. I’ve shopped in various malls in Bulacan like the SM City Marilao, Waltermart Sta Maria, Waltermart Guiguinto, Star Mall San Jose Del Monte City and Robinson’s Malolos.

And I’ve visited and enjoyed coffee concoctions at Starbucks Shell NLEX, Starbucks Petron Balagtas NLEX, Starbucks Marilao Petron NLEX, Starbucks SM Marilao, Starbucks Robinson’s Malolos and Starbucks Starmall!  In one of my visits, I was able to purchased a souvenir tumbler for my collection. Happy!

Happy founding anniversary province of Bulacan. Mabuhay!

A Belated Birthday Post…

Celebrated my 28th birthday last July 15 with my family in San Francisco and via Facetime with my family in the Philippines.  It was a great time to celebrate God’s faithfulness in my life  with people who stood by me especially in my most difficult times.

I want to express my appreciation to those who greeted me on Facebook, Twitter, email and those who called and sent sms, thank you so much.  And to those who gave their gifts–wow!  Thank you so much.

I went back to Oakland on the 17th and had a simple post-birthday celebration with my newly found friends and “resident-mates” at Children’s Hospital Oakland.  I had a great time. Thanks a lot.

By the way,  Facebook sent me this and it made me smile….

This one is from Blingee….

I can’t thank God enough for His love and faithfulness in my life.  2014 started so roughly for me and I know I wouldn’t be able to survive my struggles without Him.  I deeply appreciate the love and support that I received and continuously receiving from my immediate family, my aunts, uncles, cousins and family  friends.

I can’t say that I’m completely healed and that my heart is no longer broken but I know that I’m getting there.  I’m doing fine now.  I’ve already opened my life to new possibilities, new challenges, new opportunities. Life has never been this exciting!!!!

I’m facing a new chapter of my MD life as a resident here in Oakland and living  far away from the comforts of my home in Bernal Heights is not as a difficult as I thought it would be.  I’ve been in Oakland twice but this is the first time that I’m settling for my residency and hopefully for good 🙂 By the way, the City of Oakland was ranked 5th most desirable destination to visit in the world by the New York Times.

I want to believe that greater things are coming and I’m trusting God every step of the way. A breakthrough is on its way!

Happy birthday to me!

Unconditional….unlimited

There was once a man who got so distraught with his life because its been months and he couldn’t find a job. Feeling tired and hopeless, he went into the woods to rest and think. While sitting, he saw a dirty lamp stuck in a pile of mud. He took it, cleaned it and rubbed its body. A genie suddenly came out and said, “Because you set me free, I will grant you one wish”. So the man answered and said, “I want you to give me the most fulfilling, noble, rewarding, happiest, greatest job in the world”. The genie replied, “Okay then”. Poop!….and so the man became….a MOTHER!

   

A mother’s love is the personification of  I Corinthians 13:4-8 that says “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, it does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, love never fails.  According to Saint Therese, the loveliest masterpiece of the heart of God is the love of a mother. It is unconditional and unlimited.

Today is my Mother’s 70++ bday 🙂 and i want to dedicate this post to her. She was the second to the eldest child of my gwakong (grandfather) Remigio and gwamah (grandmother), Basilia. She’s fondly called Nene by her siblings and relatives. She was in her almost late 40’s when she had me and according to my dad, it was a very difficult  pregnancy. She was actually in her menopausal stage at that time and she was not really expecting another baby after having my kuya, yaku, ate and her twin sister and ditse. During my 5th month in her womb, she had many episodes of bleeding and was advised to just stay in bed until the delivery. I was born via caesarian operation because my mom can no longer manage the pain and that my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck. Her blood pressure fluctuated during the operation and she almost suffered a stroke.  She stayed at the hospital for almost three (3) weeks because of complications.

I cried when I heard this story for the first time and I just couldn’t imagine the pain that she has to go through just to bring me into this world. She’s an amazing woman and she’s always there whenever I need her. She loves to cook and play the piano and I believe that’s the reason why all of her children are into music. She taught me about Jesus and His great love for me. I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior thru her intercession.

During my “growing years”, she was not with me most of the time as she has to stay in the Philippines while I was left in San Francisco, but whenever she’s with me, she makes sure that we spend quality time together. She taught me how to depend on God in times of sadness and tribulations and her prayers give me a sense of comfort and assurance of God’s love for me.

I feel so blessed to have a mother like her and I can’t thank God enough for giving her to me. I am who I am now because of her love, support and influence.

I love you so much Mommy. I’m sorry for all my short-comings and for loving me despite that fact. Thank you for always being there for me in all the “seasons” of my life. You are one of the greatest gifts that I received from God.

Te amo mama con todo mi corazon y alma. gracias por tu amor, gracias por todo lo que has hecho por mi.

Happy birthday Mommy!

 

My “vacation” is about to end….

I only have a few days and I’m going back to  San Francisco.

I’ve already packed my stuff but I was  “forced” 🙂 to buy another luggage so I could put all the things that Mom wanted for “pasalubong”, (Filipino tradition of travellers bringing gifts from their destination to people back home).

A part of me is happy because I’m finally going home to be with my Mom. I’ve been away for more than 4 months and I’ve missed my family back there. I also need to fix a lot of things regarding my residency.  There are so many things that I need to do and thinking about it now makes me want to panic. But I’m already preparing myself for a hectic schedule ahead.

Well, a part of me is sad because I’m going home with a broken heart. I was wishing that maybe somehow I could still see her even for the last time and hug “our son” Godo Jr. But I don’t know if that would still be feasible given the present situation.  And besides I respect her “new” relationship and I will not do anything to shake or disturb it.

I’m moving on and accepting the situation with an open mind and heart. It’s not easy but I’m surviving through God’s grace. I want to believe that all these things that had happened were part of His plans for me and I just need to learn from it and move on.

I’m thankful for the love, understanding, patience and support that my family has given me all throughout this painful journey. I know they were hurt and disappointed but they’ve handled everything well. There was even a time that I requested them not to say or post anything against her online because I don’t want our situation to be the subject of an “online feast”.  They may be silent but they know everything that had happened.

God didn’t allow my “failed plans” to pull me down and instead gave me the chance to recommit myself to Him and the time to reconnect with my siblings in the Philippines.

After I was discharged from the hospital:

1. I was able to explore places within Metro Manila, Bulacan, Cavite and Pampanga;
2. I became  a “nanny” to my beautiful niece, Jaja, and it’s one of the best times of my life;
3. I had my “swimming moments” with my family in Fontana, Amana Waterpark, Dream Wave Resort and in our pool at home;
4. My Holy Week was spent with my family in Tagaytay City and Nuvali.
5. I was able to rest well in our house in Santa Maria.
6. I was able to finish an “audition” for a male facial wash through the prodding of my aunt.
7. I had a great time visiting some relatives and the food that they’ve prepared for me was ohhhhsome (awesome I mean);
8. I had a grand time going to SM Malls (Mall of Asia, North Edsa, Megamall, Fairview, Marilao, Pampanga, Makati, Aura), Robinson’s Place (Pampanga, Malolos, Galleria, Magnolia), Waltermart (Santa Maria), TriNoMa, Glorietta, Greenbelt, Market Market. Marquee Mall. Whew! So many shopping malls in the Philippines!!!!!
9. I was able to jog, bike, stroll and walk along Bonifacio Global City;
10. I was able to attend worship services at our church in Santa Maria and at Victory Christian Fellowship;
11. I had the luxury of time to reflect on what happened and was able to spend time with God through prayers and “quiet time”.
12. I went to the “palengke” (public market) in Santa Maria and had a great  time making “tawad” (bargaining) with my Ate;
13. Starbucks, Starbucks, Starbucks 🙂

I’m living my life one day at a time, making slow small steps towards healing. The journey is not easy but I’m placing my trust to the ONE who holds my life. I know He will sustain me and will lead me to where He wants me to be. And in time, in His perfect time, all these things, all that had happened will just be “lessons learned” in my life’s journey.   Thank you God.

 

©godosjoaquin 2014

A Letter to the “Original Ray”….

Dad, I know you are up there and you can see me standing here in front of the place where your body was laid to rest. I’m sorry it took time before I finally I had the courage to go here. I was ashamed to face you. I made that big life-changing decision without consulting Mom and my siblings. I embarked on a journey with uncertain outcome because I thought love was enough to sustain me. I was fighting for something and for someone which I thought was the right thing to do. I was of the belief that she’s also fighting for me and for our  relationship and it was too late for me to realize that I was fighting alone.

Dad, can you see my broken heart? After three long years of being single, I fell in love again. I was happy. She was everything I’ve always wished and dreamed of.  We were happy. But the situation was difficult. She’s in the Philippines and I’m in San Francisco. Although technology has a way of bridging the distance, the longing to be physically together was difficult to ignore. I felt that she was drifting away from me even before she decided to end it. Aside from the distance, there were doubts, prejudices, mistrust and people meddling with our relationship that made the situation unbearable. But at that time I was not ready to lose her Dad. So when she gave me a “deadline”, I left San Francisco without telling anybody, without thinking about my residency, I gave up all I have to say the least so I could save our relationship. I got stranded in Narita but I braved the snow storm and stayed. I tried my best to get that flight to the Philippines. But when it became certain that I wouldn’t be able to beat her deadline, we’ve “mutually” agreed to end it with the understanding that we will remain friends. I was devastated. But I was thinking at least she’s still  my friend.

After that conversation, I’ve packed my bags and decided to go back to San Francisco. And just when I was about to book a flight, she called, told me she missed me, she still loves me, she wanted to fix things. I was happy again. Hope was rekindled. There was a chance that I could have her again. I had a hard time booking a flight to Manila, but I didn’t stop until I get one. Then she started to ignore my calls. Something was telling me I should not proceed but I still followed my heart. Dad, when I arrived in the Philippines, I found out she’s already in a new relationship. So all those fixing things, missing me, still loves me stuffs were all lies. I was hurt, angry and broken.

Dad, sorry I was a coward. I tried to kill myself. But God didn’t allow the worst thing to happen. He saved me from death. I reconnected with Ate and Ditse and I’m with them now.

I’m sorry Dad. I failed again. This was my third failed relationship and this time my heart was badly broken that I don’t feel like it would heal soon. I’m sorry for hurting Mom. I know I’ve promised you that I will take care of her but I left her worried and hurt. If you were alive, I’m sure you will scold me for being a coward and my apologies would never be enough.

I missed you Dad. At that moment of  pain, I was calling your name. I was thinking of you. I remember when I was a kid, whenever I fall on my skateboard or on my bike, you will run towards me to hug me and comfort me. When I fell off that tree in our backyard when I was 5, I had bruises in my legs and was crying in pain, you cuddled me and told me not to be afraid because you were with me.  You told me its okay to fall and get hurt because its in falling that we learn to get up and try again.

Dad, I no longer want to put the blame on myself or on her for what had happened. I just want to believe that its part of God’s plan in my life. There are reasons why things are happening and even though I may not be able to grasp the wisdom behind it, I just need to trust God because He holds my life.

I’m about to go back to San Francisco and I don’t want to go home without visiting you. I know your spirit is now reunited with God, but still, I feel the comfort of being here beside where your body lies.  Dad, thank you for everything that you’ve done for me. Thank you for making me your “junior”.

I don’t know when I can visit this place again but rest assured that you are always in my mind and that I will always carry your memory here in my heart.

I love you, the “original Ray”.  Death may have taken you away from me. But love will always keep us together.

(visited Dad, 25 April 2014, Bulacan, Philippines)

 

©godosjoaquin 2014

And so finally…..

….I’m home….here at our house in Santa Maria, Bulacan!!!  🙂

I arrived yesterday and I plan to spend the remaining days of my vacation here.  I really wanted to go into this house after that “painful event” but I was hospitalized. After I was discharged, my Ditse and her husband, Thony, suggested that I stay at their place in One Serendra, Taguig City.

The last time I was in this house was when Daddy died last November of 2011 and I stayed up to the third week of January 2012.

Our 2-storey house in Santa Maria stands on a 679-square meter lot with a floor area of 395 square meters. It has a master’s bedroom with toilet and bath, six bedrooms with toilets and bath and a maid’s room with its own toilet and bath, too. It also has an attic, a  swimming pool and a front lawn.  I was happy to know that the house in now equipped with closed circuit television (CCTV) cameras.

My room is on the 2nd floor, the last one on the left side beside my Ditse’s room. I don’t know if its a tradition or superstition, but our rooms were arranged according to our order of birth.

Since I was born and raised in San Francisco, California, I missed growing up in this house. But nevertheless this house is special to me because it stores our family’s heritage, the silent witness to my family’s struggles and triumphs and the sanctuary that keeps the family together.

As soon as I arrived, I immediately went into the garden to check on the “fish pond” but was dismayed when I found out that not a single fish was present.

I also checked the short wooden bridge at the side of the house leading to the so-called “dirty kitchen” and was happy to see it, still sturdy and tidy-looking after all these years.

We went out to buy food for dinner and we headed into a place that sells “barbecue”.  Well, when we say barbecue or BBQ, we normally think of grilled pork or chicken meat. But in this particular store, where my Ate was a “suki” (Tagalog term for a regular customer), they sell different kinds of “barbecue” and they have strange names 🙂

Aside from the marinated pork meat which when grilled to perfection is called pork barbecue, the store also sells grilled pork liver, chicken blood in square which they call “betamax” and chicken intestines called “IUD”. Grilled chicken feet is called “adidas”, grilled chicken head is “helmet” and grilled pig ears are called “walkman”. Aside from that, they also sell  pork skin, chicken gizzards, chicken ass, pork intestine, chicken neck and chicken crop or “butse” in Tagalog. We bought pork barbecue and two orders of everything there plus fish balls. “kwek-kwek” or deep fried battered-orange hard boiled quail eggs  and deep-fried “one-day old chick”.  I was told that these one-day old chickens were farm rejects and since they won’t be able to grow that much meat, they are killed at birth.  Whoa!

Below are the pictures of our  “deliciosa comida”

I had my apprehensions in eating these things but my Ate assured me that the store follows proper food handling/preparation and that these street foods are safe for human consumption 🙂

I had a great meal that night. We ate these grilled stuffs dipped in sweet chili vinegar with rice plus ice-cold Coke.  Well, I tried the one-day-old chick and it taste like………chicken 🙂

We had our “tea session” after dinner. Talked with my Mom in San Francisco via Facetime then went up to my room and laid my body in  my “Bulacan Bed”.

I feel so blessed. Thank you God for this Home. Thank you God for my family. 🙂

©godosjoaquin 2014

Passing through a place called Nuvali…

On our way home from Tagaytay City, we stopped at a place called Nuvali in Santa Rosa, Laguna, Philippines. It is a private commercial-residential place that promotes “evo-living” .

The commercial spaces are in sections called Solenad 1 and Solenad 2 where you can find popular restaurants/coffee shops like Yellow Cab, Starbucks, KFC, etcetera.

There’s a lake near Solenad 1 where you could take  a “water taxi ride” for Php50 per person.  Ditse, Thony, Jaja, Jeime, Nice and Jay took the ride. I  rented a bike for Php60/hour and went around the area on the designated  bike lane.

Fish feeding is something that you should not miss when you go to Nuvali. You can buy fish feeds for Php15 per bag at the Solenad booth and feed these hungry fishes on the lake.

 

We had dinner at Yellow Cab then went back on the road via South Luzon Expressway on our way home.

It was a great experience. The idea of combining the ecological and economical webs of life in just one place is very impressive. I will definitely come back to Nuvali on my next vacation to the Philippines.

Tagaytay City Holy Week/Vacation….part 2

My summer/holy week vacation at Tagaytay City, Cavite, Philippines continues…

Early morning of Good Friday, we just walked around Canyon Woods. I had a great time exploring the place and was in awe of God’s amazing creation. Breakfast was fried rice, fried egg, fried turkey (Spam) and hot chocolate. We had our family devotion after that. Yaku led the family prayer via Facetime and then Ate led the sharing on the seven last words of Jesus. Mom led the closing prayer and we all cried a river.

We went to Gerry’s Grill for lunch. The place was overflowing with people and we had to wait for more than 15 minutes to get seated. Our lunch was grilled squid, beef kare-kare, which is a Filipino stew complimented with a thick savory peanut sauce, sizzling balut, sizzling tuna sisig and sizzling oriental garlic seafood.

Next stop was at Sky Ranch, a leisure park complete with restaurants and amusement park called Sky Fun. You can also have a great view of the majestic Taal lake and volcano from this place. There was  a 300-meter long zipline in the area which was the first thing that I tried when we arrived. The experience was unforgettable.

We rode the Sky Eye, the tallest ferris wheel in the Philippines standing at 207 feet with 32 airconditioned gondolas. You pay Php150 for a 10-minute ride.

 

The view while on top of the wheel was simply amazing!

There was also a spacious “Tent” in the area for special events. During our visit, half of the tent was occupied by food vendors.

We had our late lunch at Kenny Rogers Roasters inside the Sky Ranch. I was looking for a souvenir shop within the ranch but didn’t find one.  We also went to Taal Vista Hotel to meet up with some relatives before going back to Canyon Woods. We had tuna pasta, steamed buttered vegetables and corn bread for dinner. A mild asthma attack during the night and thoughts of her has kept me awake until the early morning of Black Saturday.

Sonya’s Garden was the next destination and we went there just in time for lunch. The place was enchanting. We had our lunch-all-you-can buffet of organic fresh vegetables and fruits, creamy chicken, freshly baked whole wheat bread, tomato salsa, glazed sweet potato, freshly squeezed dalandan juice and edible flowers. The salad dressing, according to my Ate, was orgasmically delicious. We had tarragon tea after the delicious buffet.  The price was Php683 per person. We also went to the garden’s SPA for foot scrub and massage before going back to Canyon Woods.

I spent the rest of the day sleeping. Our dinner was the bread that we bought from Panaderia at Sonya’s Garden, beef noodles, siomai, small bananas and  fried turkey-SPAM.  We had iced-cold Coca Cola, too. Thank God!

The rest of the night was spent on Facetime with our family in San Francisco.  We also prepared our things as we will leave Tagaytay before lunch the next day.

I can’t thank God enough for this great vacation. Aside from the food trippin’ 🙂 , I really had a great time with my family in the Philippines. I was able to bond with my nephews, Jay and Jeime and my nieces, Jaja and Nice. I had my special moments with Ditse and Ate, got cool advise from my bro-in-law, Thony, and funny moments with my Ate’s boyfriend, Kuya Thops.

God is keeping my heart on “steady” mode. I’m still hurting, yes, but I’m learning the basic of  handling a heart break  so I won’t drown myself. Living my life one day at a time in God’s love is keeping me alive. And yes,  I’m learning to “smile” again 🙂